Survival of the Fastest

Jessie Eastburn, Staff Reporter

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The wind rushing through greasy locks and shoulders bumping into annoyed high schoolers giving strange looks: running in the hallways is no game, kids. Proper positioning and form is essential to achieve the fastest mode of transportation. Take this advice from a past expert: the key to speed is all in the weight distribution. At least 20 pounds of weight on your back and at least 15 pounds on your front backpack is recommended. Aerodynamics is also important when considering speed racing. A 45 degree angle is necessary for optimum speed. Shoulder pads are strongly suggested but not enforced. Bony middle schooler shoulders can seriously injure the walkers, so to avoid a lawsuit, gear up. Arms can either be a benefit or a deterrent, depending on their placement. Arms in the airplane position are best for sprinting through sparsely occupied areas. For best avoidance and good steering control, place your arms at your side, flat palm, straight fingers and arms. Your fingers should be plastered to your sides as to avoid and protect from unnecessary bumping and hitting. Running through the hallways is not without its risks. Hallway running is not Temple Run, kids! You don’t get a second life! If you run into a high schooler and they yell at you, kick it up to level 100 and sprint like you’re about to be mauled by bears. Go, Speed, Go!